I got a rather surprising email today from a Mr Roy Rankin with a rather unusual offer:-
Increaase SexDrive and Pleasure
Achieve Rock HardErections
= Permanently CuresImpotence =
= Increase sperm volume and quality =
= Improve sperm flavor =
CHECK HOW OUR 6000+ CUSTOMERS LONGER THEIR PISTO
Well, I must tell you all that I was somewhat taken aback by this offer, so i followed the link on the email to a webpage which made all sorts of amazing claims about extending the size of one's John Thomas (should one be a gentleman) with a set of pills, available for around one hundred pounds. In amongst all the usual corporate waffle their was a charming little section of testimonials provided by happy customers. One chap claims:
Well, Steve, I would say "thicker and poorer" would be a more accurate term. Bless.
This spammer had no way to unsubscribe, so I had to reply directly, though I also responded directly to the website address for good measure.
Thank you for the kind letter advising me that I can have a 7-inches longPenis. That cheeky Mr Wormright who works in the butcher's on King street says exactly the same to me. Dear old chap thinks he has a way with the ladies, but Doris Henshaw has told everybody in the bridge club that it's no more than 3 inches on a good day.
I do have a couple of questions for you about your pills...
You say they improve sperm quality, but how would you go about measuring the quality of sperm? Do you lay them out behind a line and see which ones reach the finishing line first? I feel this issue needs to be addressed.
You also claim the flavour of the sperm is improved. Can I ask how you have verified this? What does it taste like now?
Finally, I think you might need to check your mathematics. You claim I can have a 7 inch penis and that it can be 3 inches longer, but 3 inches longer than zero is only three inches, not 7. Perhaps you could check this for the future.
In the meantime, could you please remove me from your mailing list, as I cannot really afford 100 pounds to grow a penis that I cannot forsee using.